Are you friendly enough?

Do you worry that your emails don't sound friendly enough? When people get into plain language, they can strip out friendliness cues and worry they're too blunt.

It begs the question: what is 'friendly enough'? Turns out no one knows.

Some people say: 
'Just tell me the message. I don't care about the fluff. You don't have to say "Hi Colleen". Just get on with it.' 

Others say: 
'Relationships are everything. A good email is as much about the relationship as it is about the message. Greet me, build up a lovely sense of connection, and then I'll be ready to read your message.' 

I think being 'too' friendly can cause clarity problems

When we're focusing on being extra friendly, we can soften requests too much. This creates clutter.
- I was just wondering if you could possibly...
- I'd be so grateful if you could...
- Would it be at all possible if you could...


Sometimes we hint rather than ask outright, afraid that 'direct' means 'rude'.
- It would be good if the mailout could happen soon.
- The store needs to be opened by 8am.


This can confuse people. ‘Who’s doing it? Is she asking me?’

But no one wants to work with an asshole

You know what I mean. When you feel like someone’s barking orders at you, you’re much less inclined to do what they want. You’ll probably get round to it … but in your own sweet time.

‘If she’d just said “Thank you.”’

‘Does he realise how long this will take me?!’

You don’t jump at the chance to help people who come across as unappreciative or demanding, and neither do your readers. So it’s fair you wouldn’t want to strip out all touches of humanity.

A solution: the friendliness sandwich

Turn on the charm at the start and end of your email. Spoil your reader with the writing equivalent of a bear hug (or a firm handshake if that's more you).

Get down to business in the middle with straightforward requests. State your facts. Bang bang bang.

The friendly top and tail will cushion the directness. Readers will see you as a thoughtful, kind person who likes getting things done.